Elevators Are Death Boxes

Elevators are evil.  I'm not paranoid.  Do you realize every time you step into one of these death boxes your life is in peril?  Think about it.  First, the elevator announces its presence with a sound not unlike an oven or microwave, signifying "Done!"  You step in and once the doors close, you're now insulated by its metallic force field.  All forms of communication, including cell phones, are useless.  In fact, if you scream, it's designed to amplify the sound within itself to increase the terror.  Sometimes you need an identification badge to use an elevator.  But what if you don't have one and the doors have already closed?  Think about those elevators in older buildings: it has a caged entrance and an elevator tamer.  Elevators in skyscrapers pose a larger risk.  They're operated on a weight-counterweight system; has it ever crossed your mind as you're shooting from the first floor to the higher thirties, what if the rope snaps and you've been slingshot into the upper stratosphere?  Or how about the other way around, have you ever thought about the elevator being unable to stop as you plummet towards the earth's surface at roller coaster speed?  Sure, the collision would make a loud noise, but why do you think there are those outside elevator doors?  A sound-proof barrier; no one would ever know.  Those call buttons in the elevator surely don't work.  A friend of mine was trapped inside an elevator while on an overnight MICU call and that call button was decorative at best.   Another friend of mine once noticed a pile of human excrement outside the elevator doors while exiting.  I have no doubt that person appreciated the dangers of an elevator ride.  As for an experience leading to a half floor, like in Being John Malkovich, I'm fairly positive the outcome will be slightly more horrific.  You've been warned.  My recommendation: Take the stairs.